The Old Mermaids Elixir

This is from my novel The Old Mermaids Sanctuary. Myla has set up her table—the Church of the Old Mermaids—in front of Antigone Books in Tucson on another Saturday. A woman walks over and picks up a clear glass bottle...

“What is this?” the woman asked. Lily leaned against Myla and watched the woman.

“Well, I can’t be sure," Myla said, "but I believe that is the bottle that once contained the Old Mermaids Elixir, only it wasn’t called that at first. A traveling salesman stopped by the Old Mermaids Sanctuary for a time. He had a big old colorful wagon drawn by two old horses. One was black, the other was white. The black one had a white spot on her forehead. The white one had a black spot on his forehead. The Old Mermaids Sanctuary neighbors came from all around to meet the horses and the salesman. His name was Grandy, I believe, and the horses were Black Beauty and White Wonder. You figure out which was which.”

Lily giggled.

“Anyway, Grandy had all kinds of things to sell,” Myla said. “Grandy was just as you would imagine. He’d stand by his wagon and call out, ‘Hear ye, hear ye! I’ve got what you need! I can heal your wounds, sooth your soul, fill your wallet—all without emptying it first.'

"The Old Mermaids appreciated his showmanship, and they let him stay at the Old Mermaids Sanctuary. They liked watching him because it was like going to a show, but they didn’t buy anything from him. He told everyone exactly what was in each of his bottles, so they could decide whether what he was saying was true or not. But Sister Faye Mermaid and Sister Bridget Mermaid knew how to create their own concoctions and weave their own enchantments, and they thought most of what he was selling was sugar water. They kept an eye on him to make certain he wasn’t causing any harm to their neighbors. They liked listening to his stories, and he enjoyed eating their food and watching Sissy Maggie Mermaid walk around half-dressed the way she did.

“Just before he packed up to leave, he told the Old Mermaids he had a present for them. ‘It was given to me by an Old Merman sitting on the edge of the Old Sea,' Grandy said. He held out a clear glass bottle filled with liquid. 'He told me that one day I would know who it was for. He said it would help them find their tails again, so they could come home. I didn’t know what he was talking about then, but I’m thinking maybe he was talking about you all.’

Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid took the bottle from him. On the label a mermaid swam alongside the words ‘Mermaid Elixir.’ In tiny letters below that it read ‘Put one drop in your bathtub as needed.’

"Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid said, ‘The Old Merman put this label on here?’

"Grandy smiled. ‘No, Grand Mother,’ he said. ‘I wrote up what he told me. I don’t know what will happen when you use it, but it is yours to try and see.’

“Then Grandy made his farewells. The Old Mermaids hugged and kissed Black Beauty and White Wonder good-bye, and the wagon pulled away and soon disappeared in the dust. The Old Mermaids stood around looking at the bottle. They passed it from hand to hand, from Old Mermaid to Old Mermaid. Finally they opened it and smelled it. They did everything but drink it.

"‘It can’t be real,’ Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said. ‘Why not?’ Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid asked. ‘Because an Old Merman isn’t going to give Grandy something like that,’ Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid said. ‘And I never heard of such a thing when we were in the Old Sea,’ Sister Bridget Mermaid said. ‘These are new times,’ Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid said. 'And we didn't need it when we were in the Old Sea.'

“Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid said, ‘Maybe this is providence. Maybe the Invisibles are trying to help us get back home.’ The Old Mermaids looked around at each other. Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said, ‘We are home, Sister Mermaids. The Old Sea is gone, at least the Old Sea as we knew it. What would we do if we went back to the way we were? There is no place here for us as we were.’

“The Old Mermaids stood quietly under the summer sun and thought about what Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said. Finally Sister Sophia Mermaid said, ‘What Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid has told us is very wise. We should listen to her.’

"The other Old Mermaids agreed, although Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid hesitated. Even though they had been in the New Desert for some time, Sister DeeDee still felt as though she hadn’t quite gotten her land legs. The other Old Mermaids went about their days, and Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid held onto the Mermaid Elixir for a while. Every once in a while she’d take off the top and dab a drop of it on her wrists. Nothing happened, but she kept doing it anyway. She would close her eyes and remember what it had been like in the Old Sea.

“One hot day when the Old Mermaids sought refuge from the sun and heat in the pool, Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid sat on the edge of the pool with her legs in the water; the open bottle of the Mermaid Elixir was next to her. Most of the other Old Mermaids swam or floated in the water. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid came up behind Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid and tickled her until she fell into the water. Then Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid slipped into the water. She didn’t see the Mermaid Elixir, and you can guess what happened. The entire bottle fell into the pool when Sister Bea accidentally knocked it over. Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid shrieked. The other Old Mermaids got very quiet. Sister Faye Mermaid said, ‘Don’t worry. The elixirs of a charlatan rarely work.’

“But something happened that day as this bottle you're holding—at least I think it was this bottle—fell into the pool and its contents mixed with the water in the pool. The Old Mermaids felt a kind of moisture in their beings that they had not felt since they left the Old Sea. I can’t be sure, but the story goes that all the tails of the Old Mermaids became visible again, and the Old Mermaids were creatures of the water again for a time. The sun glinted off the blue, green, red, yellow, black, scarlet, orange, indigo scales of the tails of the Old Mermaids. It wasn't that they went back to what they were exactly. It was more like they recognized that they were still themselves whether they were in the water or the desert. The Old Mermaids were able to swim in the knowledge of their true selves in that pool all day long. And it was a long day that lasted a week, a month, a year, a hundred years.

"Before they got out of the pool that long day, Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid swam to the bottom and picked up the Mermaid Elixir bottle which was now filled with pool water or mermaid elixir or both. Some say that the Old Mermaids never had to use the Mermaid Elixir again; whenever they jumped into the pool they became their old selves again. But Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid knew others might need help in recognizing their true selves, in finding their own tails—and tales—so she bottled the Old Mermaids Elixir and gave it out to friends and neighbors. She used the bottle of watered-down elixir as the Mother so she’d put a drop or more of the elixir into a bottle of water, put a label on it, and call it the Old Mermaids Elixir.

"Of course, she tried it out before she gave it to anyone. She was no charlatan. Everyone who used it said they saw themselves as they truly were, for good or ill. This truth never came as a surprise to anyone—or maybe it did. But they shouldn't have been surprised: Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid had printed right on the label 'know thyself.'

"Time went on and as you know, the Old Mermaids had to leave the Old Mermaids Sanctuary. The story goes that whoever found the original Old Mermaids Elixir bottle could fill it up with ordinary water and it would become a true Old Mermaids Elixir. If you put a couple drops in your bath or in your pool or in your tea, you grow your own mermaid tails, or maybe you'll just discover your true self. Either way it'll be an adventure. You willing to try it? I can almost see your tail now, if I squint. Yep. You'll be swimming in the deep ocean of your true self any minute now."

Read the whole tale here...

Sister Faye Mermaid & the Sleeping Beauties

One night after the Old Mermaids washed ashore in the New Desert, Sister Faye Mermaid could not sleep. She wandered the half-finished house, gliding from room to room, like a ghost, a gentle breeze, or an Old Mermaid swimming in the Old Sea: She was quieter than a cactus mouse. Certainly quieter than the javelinas she smelled and heard snuffling around outside the house. Quieter than the coyotes yipping in the near distance. Maybe not as quiet as the jackrabbit she had seen under the saguaro up the ridge near the Hunter’s place earlier in the day. Although maybe he wasn’t so much quiet as absolutely still. Sister Faye Mermaid was not still. She was, however, quiet. She did not wish to disturb any of the sleeping Old Mermaids.

After a time, Sister Faye Mermaid lay on the bench that curved out from the half-finished wall. She gazed up at the sky. Stars, stars, everywhere; all without a care. She shrugged. It wasn’t much of a chant, certainly not a song. She sighed. She would miss being able to look up at the stars like this once the house was finished. Maybe she would talk to the others about putting in star windows. Sky windows. She liked that idea.

She watched the twinkling lights and listened to the sounds of the night desert. The house and the Old Mermaids breathed all around her, along with the trees, cacti, javelinas, coyotes, owls, and stars. She listened for an indication that the Invisibles were near. She watched the stars for some sign. Any kind of sign. She waited for a touch that would tell her the Invisibles were listening, that the Old Mermaids were not alone.

Sister Faye Mermaid got up again and stared into the milky darkness. She knew she and the Old Mermaids were not alone. My word! They were surrounded by the most interesting varieties of life—different from what they had known in the Old Sea, of course. But here Sister Faye Mermaid could not find any indication of Spirit, or the Invisibles, the Faeries. Perhaps she didn’t know their language here—or the songs, the ceremonies. She did not know what she didn’t know, but it was something. It was something that she had always known at any other place.

In the Old Sea, Sister Faye Mermaid had understood that the sigh of the East Wind meant cold and sometimes enlightenment was on the way. The West Wind most often brought storms and sometimes a sense of calamity. Or an upset stomach. She knew if an eel in the south canyon was wiggling out of its hole happily that either something good to eat was swimming by or it was time to celebrate. If she couldn't see even the tinniest glimmer of an eel’s eye because it was so far back into its hole, she knew hard times were coming. (She hadn’t seen an eel in an eon before the Old Sea dried up.) She knew by the way the sea fronds brushed up against her if the tide was coming in or out, and she understood all the implications of both. And always, always, she knew the great Old Sea listened to her chants and understood her questions.

Here. Here she didn’t know which or what Invisibles she was talking to. If any. Maybe she was talking to Air. Which wasn’t bad. Air gave her life. Gave them all life. Yet her conversations felt one-side. What songs did the New Desert Air want to hear? What did this place want from them?

Sister Faye Mermaid felt closed up and closed off and generally useless here. All the Old Mermaids had a purpose, they all had concrete skills—except her. Sister Ruby Rosarita was the best cook of them all. Sissy Maggie Mermaid made friends and made art. Sister Sheila Na Giggles could build or fix just about anything, all while she told a joke or a story. Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid understood the fauna; Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid understand the land. Sister Laughs A Lot and Sister Bridget Mermaid knew all the plants. Sister Sophia Mermaid had the wisdom of the ages in her brain and all through her body. They all had something. And before Sister Faye Mermaid had always been able to synthesize their collective wisdom and act as a kind of negotiator and go-between for the Old Mermaids and the geni loci of a place.

A while back, Sister Faye Mermaid had decided she needed to do something physical to get herself back into the shape she had been before. She went up to Annie’s house and asked to take a bath in her big old tub. She figured once her body was immersed in water, she’d fill up with herself again and all would be well. She wouldn’t let Annie heat up the water—she thought that was just strange—so it came as a shock to her that the water was a shock to her. She ended up sitting in the tub shivering. When she finally got out of the tub, she looked down at her body and was startled to see herself—truly—for the first time since she had left the Old Sea.

She said, “I ain’t what I used to be.”

Maybe that meant she couldn’t do what she had been able to do before. She felt anchored. Trapped. She remembered feeling adrift. Ahhhh. Freedom.

Sister Faye Mermaid had talked to the others about how she felt. Sister Sophia Mermaid said, “Many religious and spiritual traditions suggest a time of solitude or fasting might be in order. Or you might try a hallucinogenic. The desert is full of them.”

Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said, “Perhaps we were meant for the desert all along. Maybe the Old Sea was just a preparation for this.”

“Who meant us for this then?” Sister Faye Mermaid asked.

“Maybe we did.”

“We aren’t who we were,” Sister Faye Mermaid said.

“I know,” Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said. “Isn’t that grand?”

Now Sister Faye Mermaid wandered into the front room. She gazed at the wall where Sissy Maggie Mermaid had painted a mountain scene. Even in the darkness, Sister Faye Mermaid could see and feel the presence of the mountain. It was as if she could walk right into it. On the opposite wall was a scene from the Old Sea. She didn’t want to get too close to it right now. She was afraid she might hear the ocean, might walk into the painting and never come back.

She turned away from the mountain scene. The night was beginning to gray into dawn. She had spent another night sleepless. And she had learned nothing. No secrets. No geni loci had made themselves known to her. She began walking from room to room again. Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid snored softly in her room. Next door Mother Star Stupendous lay on her side with her hands together under her face. She looked peaceful, beautiful.

In the next room, Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid and Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid curled up around one another. Nearby Sissy Maggie Mermaid and Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid had fallen asleep next to one another. Earlier the four of them had been planning Sissy Maggie Mermaid’s next art project. Sissy Maggie Mermaid had snuggled up to Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid, just like they used to when they were young, sunning themselves with a group of walruses near the shore. A lock of Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid’s hair had fallen down near her eyes, in a curl that looked like a seahorse’s tail. Something about that made Sister Faye Mermaid’s breath catch in her throat. Her chest ached. She smiled and kept herself from brushing the hair off of Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid’s face. She suddenly felt adrift. Ahhhh.

It had been a long while since she had realized how beautiful they all were—even though they weren’t what they used to be. It had been a long time since she acknowledged how glad she was that she had washed up onto this desert with these Old Mermaids.

Just then Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid opened her eyes sleepily. “Oh, it’s you. I thought I heard you singing.”

“I wasn’t singing, sweetheart,” Sister Faye Mermaid whispered. “I was just breathing.”

“Same thing.” Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid closed her eyes and was asleep again.

Sister Faye Mermaid turned and stepped over the wall and walked into the morning desert. A beam of sunlight illuminated a spot under the palo verde tree near the house. Sister Faye Mermaid stared at it. The spot was gold and green and comforting and wild, and she kept still, so still, so she could breathe in the mystery of it all. The desert breathed with her. The spot breathed with her. Then the spot turned its head. Sister Faye Mermaid was looking directly into two eyes filled with sunlight.

She blinked, not understanding what she was seeing. Two tufted ears. This was how the desert faeries looked, according to Annie, The Woman Who Loves Birds. Sister Faye Mermaid heard herself singing. Had she been singing all along? The spot got up and moved out of the light. Something or someone shifted. The desert faery was really a bobcat—or the other way around—and it was looking directly at her as if to say, “You called me. Now what?” The bobcat slowly walked away. It stopped and looked back at Sister Faye Mermaid. She grinned. She couldn’t wait to tell the others. Later. She’d let sleeping beauties sleep for now. The bobcat desert faery disappeared; Sister Faye Mermaid followed.

(Thank you to Terri Windling, for generously allowing me to use her "Sleeping Beauties." Mario and I have this hanging in our bedroom, and it inspired this particular Old Mermaid tale.)

Read the whole tale here...

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid & the Carved Bird

Visitors to the Old Mermaid Sanctuary often did not recall Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid. It wasn’t because she wasn’t memorable. It was more that she was like the Old One-eyed Mountain Lion who wandered the wash that ran through the Old Mermaid Sanctuary: you didn’t see him unless he wanted to be seen; otherwise, you could be looking right at him and you’d think you were seeing the blond desert floor.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid was not the most social of the Old Mermaids, and she was not always comfortable in groups. She was not unkind—no Old Mermaid was unkind—but she did seem a bit cross sometimes to those who didn’t know her. She didn’t understand the social niceties people engaged in here in the New Desert. While the other Old Mermaids learned to talk about the weather with visitors to the Old Mermaid Sanctuary, Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid wondered how people could talk so much about something they had no control over.

Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid told her, “When they speak of the weather, it’s like they’re singing a chant they only half remember. No doubt their ancestors talked to the wind and rain and clouds—they’d sing to them—trying to negotiate good weather for their lives. It’s how we talked to the Old Sea, only we remembered how and they’ve forgotten.”

“Then perhaps we should have Sister Faye Mermaid teach them a sea chanty or two,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“It is not their way,” Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid reminded her.

Despite any perceived ideas about Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid’s social skills, everyone from far and near knew that she could be counted on in a pinch. Even when nothing was pinching, actually. When the Old Mermaids first washed up on the shores of this particular desert, it was Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid who walked the wash and the surrounding area getting a feel for the lay of the land—quite different from getting a feel for the flow of the Old Sea. And Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid had known the flow of the Old Sea better than anyone else. She knew the shape of the curves and cliffs and gullies that the Old Sea filled with Her body. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid knew she could leap from those cliffs and never be harmed. But here in this New Desert, that kind of easiness was no longer possible. This world was a prickly one.

It was Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid who first found the Old Woman and the Old Man of the Mountain. The Old Woman and the Old Man listened to her tale of the Old Sea drying up. Then they stood on the land behind their house and they began whispering to the mountain and the desert below. Their hands made shapes in the air while they let the New Desert and its inhabitants know that the Old Mermaids were in the wash in the toes of the foothills of mountain. “Give them succor. Afford them peace.” The breath of the Old Woman and Old Man on Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid’s face felt like a welcoming breeze. She returned to the Old Mermaids who were carefully cleaning a space on the land for their new home and brought them news of the land—including where an Old Stream wound through the desert, slowly, surely, so that all could dip in their cups and take a sip.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid understood that the Old Mermaids needed to learn the rhythms of their new world. Sister Faye Mermaid and Sister Bridget Mermaid conversed with the Invisibles of the place—they created new sea chanties and poems for their new home. They learned about the flora while Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid got to know the fauna. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid walked the land. Every day she walked in a different direction, away from the Old Mermaid Sanctuary that the Old Mermaids were creating. She couldn’t seem to stop walking. The other Old Mermaids admired her; she had gotten her land legs much faster than the others. Yet at night, she still felt restless, and Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid—whom Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid loved best of all—and the other Old Mermaids couldn’t seem to help her become restful. She walked and walked, day after day, until she came to the home of the Woman Who Loved Birds. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid had heard stories of the Woman Who Loved Birds but she had never seen her before.

“Are you another lost explorer?” the Woman Who Loved Birds asked Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid when they first glimpsed each other as Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid came up over the rise onto the Woman’s place.

“Just trying to figure out how this world works,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“Ahhh, searching for the truth, then. Aren’t you a little wet behind the ears for that?”

Sister Bea Wilder laughed. This woman was not going to talk about the weather.

“I heard you Old Mermaids had drifted this way,” the Woman Who Loved Birds said. ”Come on up and join me. Hot enough for you?”

The Woman Who Loved Birds told Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid to call her Annie, and she brought her up to her house. Every step they took went past a bird house—all different shapes and sizes. Annie told Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid she found bits and pieces of the desert and brought them back here for the birds. “If it’s got a hole and looks like it’s a nice place to rest, I bring it back. Oh, look at that spider right there. See it? Hidden so nicely in this cactus.” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid came and stood close to Annie and saw a web between two prickly pear pads. When she squinted, she could see the spider.

“How’d you know she was there?” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid asked.

“I heard her spinning,” Annie said. “Yep. I bet that’s not something you could hear in the Old Sea.”

She started walking again. Then she stopped and sniffed the air. “You smell that?” she asked. “Ahhh, that’s nectar to bats. They’ll be feasting tonight.” She pointed to a flowering agave.

“Smells like something rotten,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“Perfume to the bats,” Annie said. “I’ll show you how to make something with a little kick to it from that one day. It’ll have you howling at the moon.”

“I do that already,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“My kind of gal,” Annie said.

It took them a long while to go down the path to Annie’s house. Annie saw and heard and smelled so many things on the way there, and she pointed them all out to Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid. At first this stop-and-go pace was annoying to Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid. She was used to walking. She wanted to go, go, go. She was looking for something—she didn’t know what—but it had to be up over that rise or around that corner or in the next moment, so she had to keep going. But now she walked slowly next to this Woman Who Loved Birds. It took them hours, days, weeks, to finally sit beneath a tall palo verde tree near her house.

The Woman Who Loved Birds gave Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid warm tea. They sipped the liquid together while they sat in the shade. The stillness throbbed around them. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid listened to the bees in the palo verde. A rock squirrel came near her feet, picked up some bean pods, then wandered away. After a while, Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid began to feel the ground beneath her feet—truly feel it. It was different from the Old Sea, but it was there, touching her soles: solid, deep, stable. And the sky above her was different from the sky above the Old Sea, but it was the same sky. She breathed deeply.

After a while she began to notice the birds. First she heard the quail running beneath the shrubs and trees, cooing and clucking. Then she saw them. She chuckled. She wasn’t sure why. The pear-shaped birds were just amusing to her. Then she saw a cactus wren. A raven. A mockingbird. A bright red cardinal. And hummingbirds. The hummingbirds were everywhere! It was said later—although we can’t be sure this is true—that thousands of birds came to see this Old Mermaid who was sitting with the Woman Who Loves Birds and drinking tea. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid squinted, or sighed, or something, and the birds either went about their business or were never there in that number to begin with—although the hummingbirds did stay around, hovering in the air near Annie and Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid. Hummingbirds have always loved the Old Mermaids and they them.

When the Woman Who Loves Birds and Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid had been sitting in silence and stillness for many moments or many moons, the Woman finally said, “Hummmm.” And she sounded just like the hummingbirds. “Hummingbirds use spider webbing to hold their nests together, did you know that? Sometimes they use hair, too. I’ve seen them pull strands out from my brush. Their heart beats 500 times a minute, and that’s when they’re resting. I’ve counted. At night, they fluff their feathers and let all the heat out. Then they turn themselves off. It’s like they’re dead. In the morning, they come alive again.”

“That must be something to see,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“Yes, but then, isn’t it all something to be?”

“Why do they call you the Woman Who Loves Birds?”

Annie shrugged. “They used to call me the Woman Who Loves Giants.”

“Why?”

“Because I loved giants,” she said. “Weren’t you paying attention? Giants used to roam this place. Though, I guess you wouldn’t say them roamed. Giants don’t actually roam much. They trample. But they lived here and here abouts. Maybe thereabouts. The ones who lived here, those are the ones I loved. One in particular actually.” She was quiet. “But that’s another story.”

“You had a falling out with the giants?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you aren’t the Woman Who Loves Giants any more.”

“Do you see any giants?” she asked.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid looked around. “No.”

“They’re here,” she said. “They’ve just changed. Somehow. Some day. Some place. Maybe they got tired of being so earth bound. Maybe like you Old Mermaids got tired of the Old Sea.”

“Well, that’s not really what happened—”

“In any case.” Annie motioned all around her, reminding Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid of the Old Woman and Old Man of the Mountain. “Now the giants are creatures of the air. I will say it is much easier to be a good host now that they’re birds. They don’t eat nearly as much as they did when they were giants.”

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid smiled. Then they sat in silence again for another week or more.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid and Annie became good friends. They often sat together, telling stories and sipping tea. More often they sat together and said nothing or sauntered the desert together. Annie seemed to know everything about everything, so Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid nicknamed her the Woman Who Knew Everything. Annie called her Sister Wild. Sometimes the other Old Mermaids came and visited with Annie, too.

After a time, Annie couldn’t walk in the desert as much, so she and Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid sat together under the palo verde. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid brought her pieces of wood and Annie carved little creatures out of them—mostly birds. Sometimes the piece of desert Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid brought her was so beautiful, she said it was already what it was intended to be, and she wasn’t going to change that. After she finished carving, she would place the finished bird on the small table next to her chair. The next day, the bird was always gone. One morning, Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid could have sworn she saw one of the carved birds shake itself and fly away, just like the hummingbirds coming alive again in the morning. Annie just laughed when Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid told her what she had seen.

“You’re getting desert eyes, Sister Wild,” she said. “It’s about time.”

One day when Annie was not feeling well, Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid sat with her trying to coax her to eat some soup Sister Ruby Rosarita Mermaid had fixed her. Annie began to talk about her life.

“I miss the giants sometimes,” Annie said. “I will admit that. I love the birds. I do. But sometimes I long to feel the Earth move like it did when the giants were tramping to and fro. And Mark, my giant, he was the biggest and the noisiest. And clumsy. I can’t tell you how many trees he took down in his day.” She shook her head. “He was something to see.”

“Did he love you too?”

Annie smiled. “That sounds like something Sissy Maggie would ask. Of course he was very fond of me and I was very fond of him. But, it was not to be. It wouldn’t have worked out.”

“Sissy Maggie fell in love with the moon once,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“And how did that work out?”

“Didn’t,” she said. “What happened to Mark?”

Annie shrugged. “He went wherever giants go when they die. Sometimes I imagine he’s come back. I can feel the earth tremble and I see the trees sway and then I know he’s coming home. I even dreamed about it last night. He came and carried me off. It was great fun. I laughed the entire time.” She smiled to herself. Then she looked at Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid and said, “Now, you know what to do when I’m gone?”

“No, what do you mean?”

“I’ve taught you everything I know,” she said. “You know this desert now the way I know the desert, so you need to pass that knowledge on.”

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid shook her head. “I still can’t hear a spider spinning. And I don’t believe in giants.”

“Hah! You do, too. You know, some people don’t believe in Old Mermaids.”

“Yeah, well, that’s their loss,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

The Old Mermaid and the Woman Who Loved Giants sat together until the sun went down.



One night, Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid awakened because the earth was shaking. Or the house was shuddering. All the Old Mermaids got up and ran outside.

“This is what an earthquake feels like here,” Sister Sophia Mermaid said.

The Old Mermaids agreed that must be what happened. But Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid wasn’t so sure. As soon as the sun began to rise, she went over to Annie’s house. The palo verde was missing a branch, and Annie’s chair was knocked over. Inside the house, Annie had taken her last breath.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid sat on her bed and cried for a long while. It was the Old Mermaid way to let feelings flow. Later when she stepped outside and looked toward the mountains, it appeared that a path had been made between here and there. When she looked again, the path was gone. She righted the chair. A single tiny carved bird stood on the tiny table. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid picked up the bird and put it gently in her pocket.

Later, the Old Mermaids scattered Annie’s ashes in the desert. The wind blew the ashes this way and that. The birds watched, from everywhere. Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid knew Annie would be pleased that she was now part of the earth.

Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid put the carved bird next to her bed and watched it for days, waiting for it to take flight. It never did, and Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid kept it with her for almost always. It finally got lost in the wash somehow, sometime—which is how Myla ended up with it at the Church of the Old Mermaids—but Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid didn’t need it. She remembered her friend with every step she took, and every time she sat still and listened. Sometimes she heard the birds. Sometimes she heard her heartbeat. Once she thought she heard a giant. Some say she even heard a spider spinning her web one afternoon. Some say she is still listening.

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Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid & the Recipe

Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid was certain she was more frightened than any of the other Old Mermaids. They all seemed to be adjusting to their new life away from the Old Sea more quickly than she was. She still clutched an old sea shell in her left hand—all of the time. Sometimes she held it to her ear in hopes of hearing the ocean or some sign that her old life was not completely disappeared. Once, a drop of water slipped out of the shell, like a teardrop, and Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid pressed it against her cheek with such longing that she dropped to the desert floor and added her own tears to the ocean teardrop. She licked them off her lips while she sat on the hard ground and watched for scary little creatures who might bite her.

Sometimes she ached to hear water so much that she could hardly bear it. She would stand under the blue, blue sky and look for clouds. She would listen to the night to see if she could hear water calling to her from somewhere. She turned to the east and to the south and to the west and to the north. It was so quiet, except for the faint sound of her blood in her ears. Or was it the long lost Old Sea pleading with her to come home?

Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid felt a loneliness she had never known in the Old Sea. She had always felt in communion with everything in the Old Sea—she was constantly embraced, stroked, fed. The Old Sea was a being she knew in every cell of her body.

And now the Old Sea was gone. How could the knowledge of that loss not crush her? Not crush them all?

This day her sobs hiccoughed in her chest as the tears flowed down her face. She needed to be with the others. She picked herself up off of the ground and went to find her sister mermaids. They were gathering up dirt and animal dung and mixing it all with water to make bricks for the house they were creating.

Sister Sheila Na Giggles said to her. “I see you are making water. Good. We could use it. That is part of the recipe of this home-making material. Combine tears and earth. Then stir.”

“And bake until done,” Sister Ruby Rosarita Mermaid said.

The Old Mermaids laughed.

Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid looked up at the sun. “The baking part shouldn’t be difficult.”

Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid rested her hand on Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid’s shoulder for a moment; then she sat on the ground and began working the soil and water between her hands.

“With our breath, we combine earth, sun, and tears,” Sister Faye Mermaid chanted. “Transforming our fears and tears into house and home.”

“House and home,” the others repeated. “House and home.”

“I love the feel of this earth between my fingers,” Sister Magdelene Mermaid said. “It feels so stable and flexible at the same time. And the color! It’s sunlight in a brick. Only the Earth could make such color!”

“Oh, Sissy Maggie Mermaid, you love everything,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said. “Remember how you fell in love with the Moon when we first got here?”

“I don’t see why you didn’t all fall in love with the Moon,” Sissy Maggie Mermaid said. “But now, I love this dirt, too. See what a little moisture will do to hard dirt? That’s what this old world could use, a little Old Mermaid lovin’.”

Sister Sophia Mermaid rolled her eyes. “You are wise beyond your years, Sissy Maggie Mermaid.”

“Indeed she is,” Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said. “This dirt is quite lovely. And did you notice the color of the sky at night here? Something very dark and mysterious about it.”

“We’ve seen the sky before—” Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid said. She hesitated and then added, “—before the Old Sea dried up."

“Yes, but not this sky,” Mother Star Stupendous Mermaid said.

“I know what you mean,” Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid said. “It is different. The stars aren’t brighter, but they shine differently. As though they are musical instruments and we can see them tremble each time they play a note, but we’re too far away to hear what the song is.”

“I remember when I was small, my parents told me that stars were really the teardrops of a giant,” Sister DeeDee Lightful said. “She got lost up there and couldn’t find her way home. She began to cry, but she was so far from home and so far from the Old Sea or any kind of sea that her tears had no place to go. Each one just floated up there in the sky, catching the moonlight at night and reflecting it back to here. Her people saw the star tear drops and followed them to find the lost giant and bring her back home. They left the tears up there to help others who were lost find their way back home.”

The Old Mermaids looked up at the starless blue sky. The quiet pulsed around them.

“Maybe we should try that,” Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid said.

“I tried,” Sister DeeDee Lightful said. “I got lost in the desert.”

“Yep, I looked for her for hours,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said.

“I never heard about that,” Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid said.

“But I did find a waterfall,” Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid said. “Or rather the Old Woman and the Old Man of the Mountain found it and showed it to us. It is so lovely. We should all go there.”

“Yes, let’s,” Sister Bridget Mermaid said, “after we get part of the house done.”

“It has the most beautiful pool of water near it,” Sister Bea Wilder Mermaid said. “We could make our own pool here that looks like it.”

“I can’t wait to paint the walls of this house,” Sissy Maggie Mermaid said. “I’ve always longed to paint.”

“Is there anything you don’t long to do?” Sister Sophia Mermaid asked.

Sissy Maggie Mermaid shrugged. “I don’t think so, but I’ll let you know. I do love the feel of this dirt. You should try it, Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid.”

Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid squatted between Sister Faye Mermaid and Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid. She put her hands in the mixture. She couldn’t help but smile.

“It tickles, doesn’t it?” Sister Laughs A Lot said. “We were talking about that. We missed you. Where were you?”

“I was in the wash,” Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid said. “Feeling a bit lost.”

“So you were crying?” Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid said. “That is good. You remembered.”

“Remembered what?” Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid asked. She kneaded the clay between her fingers. It felt like the bread dough she helped Sister Ruby Rosarita Mermaid make sometimes.

“Laugh or weep,” Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid said, “we swim in your tears.”

“So we don’t need to follow the star tears,” Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid said. “We can just follow our own tears.”

“Enough of this,” Sister Sophia Mermaid said. “Let’s figure out our next meal. I’m not swimming in tears or anywhere else if I don’t get some food.”

“And this animal dung is getting a little stinky,” Sister Laughs A Lot Mermaid said.

“Probably because we didn’t get permission from the animals to use it,” Sister DeeDee Lightful Mermaid said.

“We asked,” Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid said. “They didn’t care.”

“Food!” Sister Sophia Mermaid said. “I must have food!”

“Now this feels just like home,” Sissy Maggie Mermaid said.

“Yes, it does,” Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid said. She licked her lips. No more tears right then, just sweat, and like her tears, they tasted like the Old Sea.

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Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid & the Old Sycamore

(This is from a FS post I wrote in August 2006.)

I feel like an Old Mermaid this morning right after they washed up onto shore. Right after the Old Sea dried up and they were left without their watery home. Stranded in the desert, drops of the Old Sea beading off of them like sweat. Their bodies changing, shapeshifting before their very eyes. Before the very eyes of the desert and the creatures come to gather at the old shoreline, some of them adrift, too, stranded in this New World. The Old Mermaids didn't huddle together in fear, however. They drifted up out of the wash, they moved up out of the wash, they strode up out of the wash as soon as they were able. They listened to the whispers of the desert. To the Earth that stroked their soles, saying, "It'll be, it'll be, it'll be." Then they built their house, their home, their lives.

One of the Old Mermaids had problems sleeping, however. She had a little more trouble with the shifting of their lives than some of the others; although truth be told, they all had some difficulties. Sister Lyra Musica Mermaid was a bit afraid of the desert creatures for a while. Sister Laughs A Lot had nightmares. Grand Mother Yemaya Mermaid started snoring. And Sister Diana Mermaid couldn’t sleep.

Sister Diana Mermaid who loved the Old Wild Things missed the creatures of the Old Sea. And she missed her Old Self. She was a tough Old Mermaid. Fit in mind and body. Yet while the other Old Mermaids got their land legs, Sister Diana Mermaid still felt watery. Sleepy. And that doesn’t really work in a desert, you all know that. She didn’t tell anyone this, but she felt as if she had lost herself when the Old Sea dried up. Some nights she would try to fall to sleep by singing to herself, “My body lies over the ocean, my body lies over the sea, my body lies over the ocean, so bring back my body to me, to me.” This was not her true siren song, however, and she still could not sleep.

One morning she watched the sun come up over the mountains, ending one more sleepless night. On this morning she heard the whisper of the mountain. Or maybe it was the whisper of the trees on the mountain. The Old Man and Old Woman talking in their sleep? She wasn’t sure. She asked the other Old Mermaids if they could tell what the whisperer was saying. Every one of them told her they couldn’t hear a thing. “You know what this means then?” Mother Star Stupendous said. Sister Diane Mermaid shook her head. “It means the whisper is meant only for you,” Grand Mother Yemaya said. “You must follow it to its source.”

So Sister Ruby Rosarita Mermaid packed Sister Diane Mermaid a lunch, Sister Bridget Mermaid and Sister Faye Mermaid sang her a blessing, and the others wished her well—and off she went.

We can’t be sure of exactly what happened. We’ve heard rumors. Some say she was up that mountain in a couple of hours. Some say she wandered for days, even months, while she had one exciting encounter after another. Some say she was so sleepy that she was lucky she did not fall into harm’s way. My guess is she went up that Old Mountain in her own sweet time, stopping to talk with the Wild Things on her way up. She listened to their problems, offered suggestions, then went on her way again. She probably dropped in on the Old Man and the Old Woman who lived on the mountain. Or they dropped in to see her. And always she heard this whispering. She asked the Wild Things if they heard it. She asked the Old Woman and the Old Man if they heard it. They all said they did not hear it. “It is for you only, Sister Diane Mermaid.”

Sister Diane Mermaid continued to wander, looking for the source of the whispering. She realized it was the whispering which had kept her awake these many nights. If she listened carefully, she thought it could almost be the sound the Old Sea made as it stroked the Earth, the sound it made when it came to shore and then went back out again. But it was more than that, and it was less comforting. It was more or less the Old Sea.

Then she found herself under the most beautiful tree she had ever seen. (And I mean she actually found herself there, but I’m getting ahead of myself.) She was up above an old creekbed when she put our her hand to steady herself—she had not slept now in many many days and she was quite lost—and her hand touched bark. She felt a spark of electricity, although she would not have called it that. She felt a spark. Period. A snippet of lightning. Heat. It went down to her toes. Just for a moment, and then it was gone. This beautiful tree had many branches that were like trunks and the bark had beautiful patterns—mottled, like a snake skin. It looked as though the tree shed its skin again and again to create a beautiful barkscape. Sister Diane Mermaid fell to her knees in admiration.

“You are the most beautiful tree I have ever seen,” she said. “May I rest here for a while? I am looking for the source of the whispering that has been keeping me awake. Not awake awake. Just not sleeping.” By way of answer, the Old Sycamore let drop a few of its nearly-star shaped leaves into Sister Diane Mermaid’s lap. The Old Mermaid rested her back against the tree. “Perhaps I will just rest my eyes for a moment.”

Right there and then Sister Diane Mermaid fell to sleep. When she opened her eyes, it was dark outside. And the Wild Things sat in a horseshoe around a nonexistent fire waiting for her. She squinted. Wait. There was a tiny flame where the nonexistent fire wasn’t. Flickering blue and red above the ground. Across from it, across from her, sat a big black creature.

“Is it you who has been whispering to me?” she asked.

“I do not whisper,” the Old Black Being growled. “You have called to us, and we have come.”

“But you are not the source of the whispering?”

The Old Black Being that was a Bear said, “We are not.”

Sister Diane Mermaid sighed. “I have not told my sister mermaids this, but I miss our old life. I miss my old self. Now I am lost.”

“We can help you with that,” the Old Black Bear said. “We can tell you where you are.”

“Where am I?” she asked.

“You are here,” the Old Black Bear said.

Sister Diane Mermaid thought about this, and then she nodded. What the Old Black Bear said made perfect sense. Exquisite beautiful sense. She felt the Old Sycamore behind her supporting her. She felt the Earth beneath her. She felt the twinkle of the stars above her. She felt the presence of the Old and New Wild Things all around. She felt completely at home with herself, and she felt herself completely at home. She felt, she felt, she felt. Ahhhhh.

And then she heard the whispering again. This time she recognized it. It was the whispering of her own being. It was the whisper of the Old Sea pulsing inside her—pulsing inside every living being.

Sister Diane Mermaid gazed at the tiny flame in the nonexistent fire.

“Does that belong to me?” she asked. She got up and walked to the tiny flame. The Old Bear took the flame onto her paw as she stood. It danced on her palm. She held it up to Sister Diane Mermaid’s chest and then pressed it into her heart. It tickled and Sister Diane Mermaid smiled. Felt warm. The warmth spread throughout her whole body. She shook herself until it all felt all right.

The Old and New Wild things cheered. Or roared. Growled. Howled.

“Welcome, Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid,” the Old Black Bear said.

And that is how Sister Diane Mermaid became Sister Ursula Divine Mermaid. She Who Is Most At Home Where the Wild Things Live: in her own heart. They danced until dawn.

She opened her eyes, and it was morning. She wondered for a moment if it had all been a dream, but she knew it didn’t matter. Old Mermaid dreams are very powerful indeed.

She hugged and thanked the Old Sycamore. She found a stick up against the tree, just her size. When she touched it, she felt the spark again. It flowed through her whole body, constantly—just like the Old Sea. She thanked the Old Sycamore for the walking stick. She looked around and knew right where she was.

She walked down the mountain and returned to the Old Mermaid Sanctuary where the Old Mermaids met her with wet kisses and Old Mermaid hugs.

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